He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
