Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We are all done wearing pants today
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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