Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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