when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
