I'm laying in your front yard are you home
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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