we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
