its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I need water and some morals
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
