it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
