well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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