I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
