you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
