Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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