Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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