Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We left the knife in your bed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
