I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's rum buckets o'clock
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
