I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
