What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
