me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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