so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That accounts for only three of the penises
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
