I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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