White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize