My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
