Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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