accomplished twins. life is a go
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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