Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
