how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
