Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
