Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
