I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
