Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
