Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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