Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
