Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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