i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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