I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
