goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
