i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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