Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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