I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
