i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm passing your future prison.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize