AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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