So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
