I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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