All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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