i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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