Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
