drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
