$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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