worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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