We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
