dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
