he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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