Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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