clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
