Me. At least after what I've been through.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
