Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
