I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
