this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we made out on top of his cat.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
