i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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