we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
