He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
