As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
