I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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