DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
