dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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