I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
