Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
