I think I just saw someone hide a body.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
