i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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