Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Quick, to the slutcave!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
